Where did the women's 'I' in 'WE' go? - Lakatwalk - a fashion and lifestyle blog.

Where did the women's 'I' in 'WE' go?

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Yesterday I was taking a single friend home and we were talk about how when she meets with some of her girlfriends all she hears is stories about kids or boyfriends, no more 'light girl talk', all of a sudden she saids what used to be 'I' turned to 'WE' in almost every sentence.So obvious question comes to mind, where did an I in WE go when it comes to women's conversations?

First of all....Let me get my hand up! Guilty as charged! Now when I again live in another country, most of my coffee dates with my girls happens over Skype and let me tell ya, it takes a bit for us to agree on a date. She suggests the time but then..ouu wait, my boyfriend has a game. Then I propose a different time and ouu no...my friend Anita is going to a barbecue with her husband. Once we finally agree. What do we talk about eventually? Surprise, surprise...boyfriends and husbands. Not always only and exclusively about them but we definitely agreed that they took over a good part of our conversation repertoire.

Let's move it forward a bit now... another friends comes and joins us and all she talks about is her newborn child, breast feeding, breast pumps, sleepless nights..all while our fourth single friend sitting across is bored out of her mind and checking Facebook news feed on her mobile.

I started this discussion about how our girlfriend conversations change as we age and how many of us ladies let ourselves get overly consumed into WE on my Facebook page.

The purpose of raising this question and starting the debate was not to decide nor define what is right and who is at advantage the married one, single one or the one with a child. The purpose of this debate is to have each of us raise the question to ourselves at home, out loud and see how much of your past single 'I' got consumed into 'WE' and if you are comfortable with this or not?

How much of the activities you did before for Yourself (ex. going to gym, manicure, pedicure, reading, learning new languages etc.) and with Your Friends (coffee dates, movies etc.) did you reduced in frequency or completely stopped since you became a part of 'WE'. This is a question I am trying to investigate for myself as well.

Since when do we need a relationship or a child to validate our existence?

Photo: Brian Haider

Men do it better!

As part of my research for this post I talked to a handful of my male friends to see how their behavior changes/remains the same when in relationship or have a child vs. when they are single. 

Most of my male friends did say that when they go for a coffee or for a beer with friends they mention their wife or girlfriend but don't discuss their family life at lengths as we women do. What's more, they feel a bit 'weird' to keep babbling about their girlfriends or wives with their single friends.

They mostly talk about sports, politics and as they said 'light' topics or plan their other activities together. Interestingly so, they strongly feel like they should keep their premarital activities like going to same bar's during sports matches with friends or playing sports activities regularly as they did before.

Photo source: Cass Maya

In conclusion, I think it is normal that both men and women change when in relationship and with a baby. With that change we shouldn't sacrifice but should consciously work on finding time to build and grow friendships we were building for years no matter if our friends are in the same life stage as we are or not, while at the same time having understanding for different lifestyles and life choices.

What is even more important, we don't want to loose our own 'I' just to fulfill traditional women's roles when we became a part of 'WE'. Continue to building yourself as an individual,  keep learning, keep challenging yourself and don't let daily routing take over your life. 

"As I hung up, I realized I'd committed the cardinal sin... I'd forsaken my girlfriends for my new boyfriend."  

Let's me hear your thoughts! Write them down in comments.

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