I really believed that once I put myself out there, explore my options and have some fun, I will forgive and forget, move on and be happier. Now, I have mostly forgotten, there are options, but I got disappointed in so many ways.
Let me explain, since I fell in love with Mr. Perfect - the love of my life, who during last year and a half or so became more of a "guy who is not realizing that he lost me forever" - Mr. Only a Banker.
I have finally given into the other guys, who I ignored for the past couple of years because I was Ouu so in love with Mr. Only a Banker now. There were three guys who I gave some attention - so I decided to do a sort of a research, date them all for a while to see who will try the hardest and eventually maybe even make me believe in love again. Boy was I wrong.
There was a Mr. Cool Guy. At first I liked this guy the most because he seemed smart, with good head on his shoulders, athletic and good looking, he cared about his friends and family a lot and seemed to be a gentleman which totally won me over. I have started to genuinely care about him, but than once we got to know each other better - he slowly revealed his primitive side. He was only interested in one thing, he seemed intimidated with my independence and his ego started to hurt. ELIMINATED.
Next, there is Mr. Athlete. Mr. Athlete is a special of the three. It all started very casually and friendly. I have never taken him seriously as he is traveling a lot, could not trust anything he said because he gave the impression that women are objects for him and that he picks/buys them like I would pair of shoes - but with much less consideration, focusing only on visual appeal. However, as I got to know him better, I realized this is just a mask he is wearing to protect himself from being used. He is very talented and artistic in more than just his sport. He is very fun to be around, down to earth and emotional, although he is trying to play it cool. One huge thing that goes against him is that he is not trying to get to know me at all other than physically, he is not reliable, and I have started to miss him and care for him to much. PENDING ELIMINATION.
The last but not the least is Mr. Nice Guy. He is the one who I was curious about the most as we both got out of bad relationships and we both were and are scared to get emotional. Mr. Nice Guy is good looking, ambitious with what he does and very calm, really genuinely a nice guy. There was a lot of chemistry between us at first. Than I was indecisive between the three. I felt like he is also multiple dating, so it kind of watered down. We started to see each other more often now so we will see, lately he has shown me a lot of his qualities but there are still some doubts in my head as I am still unclear of what is exactly that I want. TBD.
I realize that I might be looking for a lot, but I really believe that there is ONE guy who is ambitious, good looking, creative and confident enough not be intimidated by my independence and who will except me as I am - with all my drama, everything I do and don't do, my passions and my fears.
Because dating just anybody is like dating nobody and I want HIM to be somebody.
" Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the common place, the slaves of the ordinary."