24 July, 2008
Today is the day17 . of my prolonged stay in Croatia.
Update on "La Situation Miserable"
Bad stuff: 2 bad interviews the day after arrival, cancelled vacation plans, expired passport and awkward situation with some of my friends.
Good stuff : interview scheduled for tomorrow and analytical testing for P&G on Monday(WOHOO). My new passport will be done before the end of the month. My boyfriend is coming to visit in seven days. I read two books in past two days. I got inspired by one of the books I read and got an idea for starting my own business. I also discovered my love for French chansons & Édith Piaf.
The book I finished yesterday (the only one I saved out of my library left in US) "Full Blast" by Janet Evanovich & Charlotte Hughes is just what I needed to get me out of my "Attitude Miserable" and to get me going.
"Full Blast" is a steamy romantic adventure which will make your fingers hurt from speedily turning the pages. It is truly a one breath read. Not only this book made me laugh out loud, it also evoked many familiar feelings in me when it comes to family issues and romantic relationships. Jamie's (main character) fears and doubts of falling in love, commitment and letting oneself be lead by heart while risking of getting hurt, definitely hit home on so many levels.
I really believe that a girls heart can go through just as much before it breaks. Than, it heals again and covers itself with this glossy protective shield which makes it appear healthy, shinny and new from outside, and the girl moves on and lets it shine for somebody all over again.
However, when the second heartbreak happens, not only it starts beating slower, but the glossy shield breaks into tinniest pieces which than pierce the already tired and slowly beating heart and damage it to beyond repair.
Now, all this might seem just a bit over the top and dramatic, but I am PO-SI-TI-VE that this is what really happens to the girls heart.
So, all of you girls out there do be careful and doubtful, but first, go all out, take that first risk, let your heart get hurt and heal once if needed. Let it build its delicate shield and let yourself be lead by your heart, because it will detect that One person who will be mesmerized by its shine. That person, is the same person capable of breaking the shield and causing a heartbreak. But, if He doesn't.... than... Fireworks.
17 July, 2008
State of mind: somewhere between depression and insanity
State of the body: nasal congestion, painful throat, painful breathing- self diagnosis remains Strep Throat possibly transitioning into Bronchitis (also possible hypochondria)
Problem: moved to another country without detailed plan
(other than the obvious one that I am home by computer on Thursday night)
After moving back to Europe I realized the flaws of my unexciting plan. Well, the flaw #1 was obviously a lack of comprehensive moving plan. The flaw #2 was not having a detailed plan for job searching. The flaw #3 was planning my vacation to soon and the flaw #4 was NO planning and savings for my move to London.
The consequences of these flaws were: five boxes of priceless winter clothes and shoes trapped still in US, loosing my mind over not finding a desired job position for a WEEK now, as well as uncertainty about move to London and vacation. Not to mention a huge loss in financial department as a direct result of me hanging out in Bloomies shoe department for to long while preparing for this move.
However in my defense, I did worked a lot last weeks in the City, I really wanted to book that vacation with my girls and hoped all the other pieces (job and move to London) would fall in place until than. They didn't. But, the shoes were on sale and practically free and I definitely needed new flats. Also, my judgement is clouded by LOVE. I am in love, and I heard that two hearts in love are like magnets that pull together, and this magnet of mine is quit strong and managed to pull me to Croatia and it is now pulling me to London.
After carefully examining this problem of mine it downed to me that I am an addict. I am addicted to LOVE. LOVE toward the man I love and towards fashion. Even though those two cant compare they can definitely coexist. This addiction of mine is definitely something I am never going to be ready to let go, as long as I am able to have them coexist without conflicting (read WILL NOT buy those shoes out of my rent money).
As my friend Armina said this problem of mine has a simple solution. I just need to figure out what is it that I absolutely cant live without and what am I not going to be able to compromise over. This is how I am going to make my work and personal decisions easier. She was right. It all became clearer. I want to be with my boyfriend and continue working in fashion. That is my solution.
14 July, 2008
Rainy, not at all summer like day...
I wonder what is the weather like in New York City...hm...
Ouu well... I'm back here in Croatia, it is my 7Th day back and I am still keeping myself isolated from my friends and most of my family members under the excuse of a terribly contagious cold, which I self diagnosed as a strep throat, so that makes me highly contagious and avoiding people for their own good is indeed a good idea.
Don't get me wrong, my throat really hurts, and I feel awful, but there is also that other thing, this feeling of "unreadiness" to face people and adapt back to the culture I do not live in for a five years now. I am not quit sure if I am scared of not meeting people´s expectation of what I should be after graduating college and living abroad or am I afraid of them judging me for who I become and being jealous .Hmm...
It is time for another glass or Chocolate Mint Baileys. (No I am not an alcoholic, I just had an hour long conversation with "Ouu so lovely" customer service representative from Sprint who informed me of $300 unexpected fees to be paid, by me! Yesterday! Of course, that´s not going to happened, for that money I can get solid sale sandals in Saks.)
OK, I am back. Moving on. I think I am going to meet my home girls for a drink tomorrow and face them bravely and just smile, can´t go wrong with smiling and listening. That is what I am going to do, I am going to just listen and keep my answers short and sweet, nobody disappointed and nobody jealous! Voila!
This past weekend my boyfriend was visiting from London. That totally made my weekend, my week, it made me smile. He is one of those rare people that just know what other person is feeling and has a calming effect without clowning or trying to hard. We spend the whole day in cafes, high school reminiscence sandwich joints and popular city ice cream place.
While we were waiting for a tram on Croatian main square to go back home I could not help but notice that Croatian man carry purses. All of them! All these macho man that act like hooligans during soccer games, strong and protective toward women, never cry, never hurt and never bleed, but, they do daily,get in touch with their feminine side and carry PURSES. No, no, they are not wallet holders, key pouches nor fanny packs, they are PURSES. I mean, there is nothing wrong with a good man-purse. I am sure it makes perfect sense to carry one and that it is very functional and practical, I mean I carry one and love it, but I am also a girl. I just could not but find the irony in the sight of a six foot five man with a purse.
Anybody that knows the reputation of Croatian man as well as their average built must surely see some irony in the fact that they are becoming increasingly metro sexual and refreshingly open with it. This must be progress from "women´s place is in the kitchen" and "women are cooking, cleaning and child bearing machines while man are out hunting for food" kind of views.
Lastly, even though I am perfectly OK and in favor of this new breed of Croatian man that are not afraid to show their feelings and care more about their looks I will not be shopping for a man-purse in early August for Ante´s birthday.